Inviting the Ex
Weddings are becoming more and more complex as our families become more and more unconventional. Where does the mother of the bride sit? What about the step-mother? And where does dad sit?!
Weddings can be a stressful event for anyone who has been through a divorce. It can bring up a lot of painful memories. The more beautiful the wedding, the more bittersweet the memories.
This is an issue that demands a plan!
First, if you're the bride, you need to sit down with your groom and make sure the two of you know what this wedding means. Brainstorm, discuss, and then WRITE down the meaning of your wedding (in one snappy little sentence, please). It will be easier to create a plan if you know what the intention of this special day is.
Second, review your Guest List Rough Draft. Make a note by anyone who may be uncomfortable at your wedding. Divorcees, widowees, people who live together as a couple but without the legal touch, people who are not on speaking terms with other people on the list... Hopefully there aren't too many drama queens/kings on your Guest List, but NOW is the time to be aware of them and make a plan.
Third, carefully decide if anyone noted above can be crossed off the list. This is the time to make the choice, NOT after the invitations have been sent out, and definitely NOT on the day of your wedding. Keep in mind that the reception may be more comfortable than the ceremony; you don't have to invite people to both.
Fourth, where is everyone going to sit? If you're inviting an Ex who used to be attached to your immediate family they'll need a place to sit that speaks an appropriate message. Are the exes comfortable with each other? On speaking terms? Can't stand each other? And what about the guy or girl who replaced the ex? Do they want to see the ex? Sit by the ex? Oh this could get messy! Keep current couples sitting together. If you feel like an ex is still part of the family, and part of your relationship, have them sit close to the family, but in a separate row. If you see the person as just a friend, let them fall where they may in the common seating. Be sure to seat exes at different tables at the reception! If you have a large wedding, chances are not everyone will know about current relationship news. Aunt Margie from Montana may not have heard that so-and-so is divorced; seeing the exes sitting together could cause for some embarrassment if a good-intentioned relative opens her mouth. "So when are you two going to have kids?"
Fifth, it is your wedding. The rule goes that you can do whatever you want. Don't take this rule too far! You are inviting family and friends to your wedding because you are asking for their blessing, their support, their love and encouragement. You're not challenging them to an emotional dual. So keep it easy!
Hopefully you're not taken back in time to your 8th birthday when you and your mom had to strategize about which girls to invite to keep the drama at bay. But really, weddings bring out the 8 year old in all of us. Have a plan and keep your purpose in mind!
Weddings can be a stressful event for anyone who has been through a divorce. It can bring up a lot of painful memories. The more beautiful the wedding, the more bittersweet the memories.
This is an issue that demands a plan!
First, if you're the bride, you need to sit down with your groom and make sure the two of you know what this wedding means. Brainstorm, discuss, and then WRITE down the meaning of your wedding (in one snappy little sentence, please). It will be easier to create a plan if you know what the intention of this special day is.
Second, review your Guest List Rough Draft. Make a note by anyone who may be uncomfortable at your wedding. Divorcees, widowees, people who live together as a couple but without the legal touch, people who are not on speaking terms with other people on the list... Hopefully there aren't too many drama queens/kings on your Guest List, but NOW is the time to be aware of them and make a plan.
Third, carefully decide if anyone noted above can be crossed off the list. This is the time to make the choice, NOT after the invitations have been sent out, and definitely NOT on the day of your wedding. Keep in mind that the reception may be more comfortable than the ceremony; you don't have to invite people to both.
Fourth, where is everyone going to sit? If you're inviting an Ex who used to be attached to your immediate family they'll need a place to sit that speaks an appropriate message. Are the exes comfortable with each other? On speaking terms? Can't stand each other? And what about the guy or girl who replaced the ex? Do they want to see the ex? Sit by the ex? Oh this could get messy! Keep current couples sitting together. If you feel like an ex is still part of the family, and part of your relationship, have them sit close to the family, but in a separate row. If you see the person as just a friend, let them fall where they may in the common seating. Be sure to seat exes at different tables at the reception! If you have a large wedding, chances are not everyone will know about current relationship news. Aunt Margie from Montana may not have heard that so-and-so is divorced; seeing the exes sitting together could cause for some embarrassment if a good-intentioned relative opens her mouth. "So when are you two going to have kids?"
Fifth, it is your wedding. The rule goes that you can do whatever you want. Don't take this rule too far! You are inviting family and friends to your wedding because you are asking for their blessing, their support, their love and encouragement. You're not challenging them to an emotional dual. So keep it easy!
Hopefully you're not taken back in time to your 8th birthday when you and your mom had to strategize about which girls to invite to keep the drama at bay. But really, weddings bring out the 8 year old in all of us. Have a plan and keep your purpose in mind!
Labels: guest list, inviting the ex, wedding invitation
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